The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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