This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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