At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
