I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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