I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
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Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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