Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
