Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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