me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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