yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
