Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
