It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
