Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
