The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
