I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize