he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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