I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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