The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
