guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think a kid would responsible me up
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
