i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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