omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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