Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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