last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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