It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
