You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
