i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
