I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize