Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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