I can text with my tongue
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
