I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
