I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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