I'm lost and stupid without you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
