i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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