Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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