remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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