Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
