We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
