I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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