I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize