I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
