Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
