You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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