Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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