How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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