dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
