I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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