I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He felt like a one man threesome
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
