the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
