I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
