just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
