I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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