The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Girls should come with a carfax report
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
