i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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