so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
