It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
