I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize