drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize