I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
