Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
