I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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