she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
