i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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